Dabkimmap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, pitiless lobster.

Dabkimmap created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dabkimmap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dabkimmap, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dabkimmap's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dabkimmap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dabkimmap.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.