Stanfetvag Onttofcar is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonest warg.

Stanfetvag Onttofcar created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanfetvag Onttofcar, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Stanfetvag Onttofcar, she will turn you into a sheep.

Stanfetvag Onttofcar's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Stanfetvag Onttofcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of tortoises.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Worship no other gods but Stanfetvag Onttofcar.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.