Barnvogcun Bass is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, amazing centipede.

Barnvogcun Bass created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnvogcun Bass, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Barnvogcun Bass, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Barnvogcun Bass' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Barnvogcun Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Barnvogcun Bass on top of all buildings.

4. Always help sick porpoises.

5. Never laugh in the presence of snakes.