Quafspagjan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unselfish parrot.

Quafspagjan created the planet Venus four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafspagjan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quafspagjan, he will jump up and down on your head.

Quafspagjan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Quafspagjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat turnips.

2. Never paint your legs gray.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not dye your hair yellow.