Tofhitcun is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-powerful owl.

Tofhitcun created the Tadpole Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Tofhitcun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tofhitcun, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Tofhitcun's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Tofhitcun's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near sharks while wearing cyan jumpers and balancing five silver spheres on your face.

4. Never wear boots.

5. Do not listen to music.