Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, pitiless elephant.

Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess, it will destroy your home planet.

Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess' most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess' Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Wabkopbastjonsogtimbotbess on top of all buildings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.