Titnurvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, cheerful penguin.

Titnurvonk created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Titnurvonk, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Titnurvonk, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Titnurvonk's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Titnurvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Titnurvonk loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think about amino acids.