Wittipsad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, all-knowing tapir.

Wittipsad created humanity six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wittipsad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wittipsad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Wittipsad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Wittipsad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Do not drink water in green rooms.

3. Always obey Wittipsad's priests.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.