Jopbafquart is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, humorless hummingbird.

Jopbafquart created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopbafquart, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jopbafquart, she will turn you into a dog.

Jopbafquart's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Jopbafquart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue geese for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat spinach.

3. Feed all hungry manatees.

4. Do not take Jopbafquart's name in vain.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.