Satgansaw is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, ruthless monkey.

Satgansaw created a quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Satgansaw, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Satgansaw, he will be very unhappy.

Satgansaw's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Satgansaw's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five great tits approach from the north.

2. Worship no other gods but Satgansaw.

3. Always obey Satgansaw's priests.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.