Yimlapham is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, self-assured zebra.

Yimlapham created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yimlapham, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yimlapham, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Yimlapham's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Yimlapham's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chlorophyll.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Yimlapham in the centre of the settlement.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.