Nanquaffen is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, emotional bat.

Nanquaffen created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nanquaffen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nanquaffen, she will not invite you to parties.

Nanquaffen's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Nanquaffen's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

5. Learn three new languages a year.