Rakbapbim is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, prudent jackal.

Rakbapbim created humanity eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rakbapbim, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rakbapbim, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Rakbapbim's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Rakbapbim's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never wear turquoise shirts.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near birds while wearing white rings.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Hide if six aardvarks approach from the south.