Flamnakfen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, blissful hydra.

Flamnakfen created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamnakfen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flamnakfen, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Flamnakfen's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Flamnakfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not take Flamnakfen's name in vain.

3. Shrews are not to be trusted.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Flamnakfen must be the most important thing in your life.