Arptarpved is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, tranquil squirrel.

Arptarpved created the world five billion years ago.

If you believe in Arptarpved, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arptarpved, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Arptarpved's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Arptarpved's Holy Commandments

1. Arptarpved loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Arptarpved on top of all buildings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.