Jigyarmum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, astonishing seal.

Jigyarmum created a strange quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jigyarmum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jigyarmum, he will be very unhappy.

Jigyarmum's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Jigyarmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not hurt ants.