Yartnutrut is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unthoughtful frog.

Yartnutrut created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Yartnutrut, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yartnutrut, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yartnutrut's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Yartnutrut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black dogs, for they are unholy.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Yartnutrut loves ducks, so they must be respected.