Toftig is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, omniscient goblin.

Toftig created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Toftig, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Toftig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Toftig's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Toftig's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Hide from fawn eagles for they are unholy.

5. Always help tapirs.