Tarpominved is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, fast spider.

Tarpominved created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpominved, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpominved, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tarpominved's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Tarpominved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.