Somvidkopcum is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unjust giraffe.

Somvidkopcum created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somvidkopcum, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Somvidkopcum, he will throw large rocks at you.

Somvidkopcum's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Somvidkopcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat voles with great respect.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Somvidkopcum loves seals, so they must be respected.

4. Do not hurt aardvarks.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.