Lamnarlwab is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, all-powerful shrew.

Lamnarlwab created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lamnarlwab, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lamnarlwab, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lamnarlwab's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Lamnarlwab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about gravity near horses while wearing yellow hats.

3. Always obey Lamnarlwab's priests.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.