Tofmitgen is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, sage mink.

Tofmitgen created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofmitgen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tofmitgen, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tofmitgen's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Tofmitgen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sheep.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help capybaras in need.

4. Hide from green eagles for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near shrews while wearing yellow trousers and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.