Wapgofsid is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, irritating shrew.

Wapgofsid created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapgofsid, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wapgofsid, he will turn you into a worm.

Wapgofsid's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Wapgofsid's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wapgofsid.

2. Never talk about optics.

3. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always wear black.