Japsascen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonest gnu.

Japsascen created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Japsascen, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Japsascen, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Japsascen's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Japsascen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never look at dwarf planets.

3. Hide if three turtles approach from the west.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Japsascen loves cats, so they must be respected.