Tinquarthapmob is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciless slug.

Tinquarthapmob created a Higgs boson four million years ago.

If you believe in Tinquarthapmob, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tinquarthapmob, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tinquarthapmob's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Tinquarthapmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near tortoises while wearing pink trousers and balancing six copper spheres on your face.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help swans.

4. You must never eat peanuts.

5. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in red.