Ontwitsin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous lobster.

Ontwitsin created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontwitsin, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ontwitsin, she will send you a sign.

Ontwitsin's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Ontwitsin's Holy Commandments

1. Mites are not to be trusted.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Feed all hungry goats.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.