Quartliplog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, omnipotent shark.

Quartliplog created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartliplog, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quartliplog, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Quartliplog's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Quartliplog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Never think about photosynthesis.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

5. Do not stand on grass.