Bagsterjab is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-knowing aardvark.

Bagsterjab created the planet Venus four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagsterjab, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bagsterjab, it will destroy your home planet.

Bagsterjab's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Bagsterjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. You must love Bagsterjab.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.