Nelzimveen is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, deceitful crow.

Nelzimveen created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelzimveen, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Nelzimveen, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nelzimveen's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Nelzimveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Nelzimveen.