Tonkzemtenlib is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, calm aardvark.

Tonkzemtenlib created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkzemtenlib, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tonkzemtenlib, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tonkzemtenlib's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tonkzemtenlib's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of swans.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tonkzemtenlib.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.