Gofcatnig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omniscient lion.

Gofcatnig created the Whirlpool Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofcatnig, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gofcatnig, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gofcatnig's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Gofcatnig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Gofcatnig on top of important buildings.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Always help sick sharks.