Quamsterwad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, intelligent owl.

Quamsterwad created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamsterwad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quamsterwad, she will be mildly annoyed.

Quamsterwad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Quamsterwad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quamsterwad nine times a day.

2. Never leap in the presence of birds.

3. Erect a giant white sculpture of Quamsterwad in the centre of the settlement.

4. You must love Quamsterwad.

5. You must never eat grapes.