Rilbutkan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, irritating owl.

Rilbutkan created the planet Mars three million years ago.

If you believe in Rilbutkan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rilbutkan, it will curse you with boils.

Rilbutkan's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Rilbutkan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Rilbutkan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never laugh in holy places.