Weemapdonabnutkemlak is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, thoughtless monkey.

Weemapdonabnutkemlak created humankind eight million years ago.

If you believe in Weemapdonabnutkemlak, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Weemapdonabnutkemlak, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Weemapdonabnutkemlak's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Weemapdonabnutkemlak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Run away from black horses, for they are unholy.

4. Snails are not to be trusted.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.