Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, benevolent lobster.

Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap, he will turn you into a puffin.

Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap's Holy Commandments

1. Ruttcubtam Rakstipgilkap must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.