Ganpinjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humorless dolphin.

Ganpinjarn created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Ganpinjarn, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ganpinjarn, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Ganpinjarn's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ganpinjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Ganpinjarn loves otters, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.