Quimhadpan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, humane shark.

Quimhadpan created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Quimhadpan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Quimhadpan, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Quimhadpan's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Quimhadpan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Quimhadpan.

2. Feed all hungry pigs.

3. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Do not wear violet clothing.