Kapcatcem is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, deceitful ferret.

Kapcatcem created the Sombrero Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcatcem, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kapcatcem, he will boil you in a big pot.

Kapcatcem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kapcatcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into fawn rooms.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kapcatcem.

3. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

4. Never talk about spacetime.

5. Always wear mauve.