Tamyarprill is a god.

He takes the form of a small, tranquil crab.

Tamyarprill created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamyarprill, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tamyarprill, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Tamyarprill's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tamyarprill's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Erect seven lead sculptures of Tamyarprill on top of important buildings.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not dye your hair blue.