Ken is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, humorless newt.

Ken created a photon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ken, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ken, it will jump up and down on your head.

Ken's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ken's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not speak about turnips.