Habwatjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awesome porpoise.

Habwatjarn created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Habwatjarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Habwatjarn, he will strike you with lightening.

Habwatjarn's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Habwatjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Habwatjarn loves snakes, so they must be respected.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Run away if eight seals approach from the west.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.