Vonkipmab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, moody toad.

Vonkipmab created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkipmab, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vonkipmab, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vonkipmab's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vonkipmab's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never wear magenta stockings.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always help mites in need.