Gut is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, smart jaguar.

Gut created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gut, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gut, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gut's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Gut's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not kill frogs.

4. Run away if five moths approach from the east.

5. Do not chop down trees.