Jopbarn Bantimxen is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking deer.

Jopbarn Bantimxen created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopbarn Bantimxen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jopbarn Bantimxen, she will make you grow a tail.

Jopbarn Bantimxen's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Jopbarn Bantimxen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Jopbarn Bantimxen on top of all buildings.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not kill doves.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.