Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, boastful lobster.

Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Arpben Quimgubyim Timfomlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help hamsters.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Hide if six snails approach from the south.