Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unjust bird.

Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen created a Higgs boson nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Haptapsag Bonkyaktadgephen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never wear fawn stockings.

4. Do not speak about cucumbers.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.