Satyamnan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, blissful manatee.

Satyamnan created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satyamnan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Satyamnan, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Satyamnan's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Satyamnan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

2. Worship no other gods but Satyamnan.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never wear red shorts.