Kankonpod is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional clam.

Kankonpod created the planet Mars seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kankonpod, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kankonpod, she will curse you with boils.

Kankonpod's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Kankonpod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear white clothing.

2. Always obey Kankonpod's priests.

3. Never wear green shirts.

4. Never leap near monkeys.

5. Always help birds in need.