Lakquillrat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, effective raccoon.

Lakquillrat created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Lakquillrat, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lakquillrat, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lakquillrat's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Lakquillrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Lakquillrat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Lakquillrat must be the most important thing in your life.