Jarnmumkad is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, grumpy yak.

Jarnmumkad created time and space three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmumkad, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jarnmumkad, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jarnmumkad's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Jarnmumkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

2. Do not wear black clothing.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never go into indigo rooms.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.